


What Cara Mia Means

by AlissaShawWrites



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Abandoned Building, Abandonment, Arguing, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Returning Home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-28 10:19:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10091996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlissaShawWrites/pseuds/AlissaShawWrites
Summary: After the events of portal 2 Chell has moved on. She has learned, laughed, met friends and has started talking once again. She began travelling the world, learning from different cultures and people. That was the way it stayed for 10 years after she left Aperture Science until she begins learning European languages. That's when a certain phrase and its meaning wakes up old and repressed memories of her final moments with GLaDOS.Suddenly finding her way back to Aperture Science Enrichment Center and GLaDOS is the only thing she can think about.





	1. Landing in England

The plane was landing in London England. Chell had spent the entire six-hour flight staring out the window watching as day turned into night. She loved watching as the sun rose and fell in the sky. As it got dark the normally distinguishable things on the ground became harder and harder to see. The houses got darker and darker and were then illuminated by lights inside while rural areas stayed dark. 

Most of the flight had been over water but was still interesting and beautiful to watch. It was always fun to watch for boats and animals this far out into the ocean even though she was very high in the air and sometimes she might miss something or think that she sees something that was never actually there. She could see the reflection of light on the water get dimmer as the day progressed. The waves would grow and fall and sometimes they passed over a storm that raged on below them. 

Chell loved storms. If there was a storm of any kind and you were looking for Chell, anyone who knew her well would know that she could be found outside walking through the streets. They would sometimes question how she often didn't get sick when out in a storm for so long but then laugh it off when she told them that she had once been told she was very stubborn so she was probably too stubborn to get a cold. 

Truth be told, Chell was stubborn. Very stubborn. She had always been and will always be. Being this stubborn had saved her life more than once back in Aperture so she decided to never let her guard down and always do things her way. It was her way or the highway and all of her friends knew that all too well. 

The plane pulled up to the gates slowly and she watched all of the employees jump to work. Everyone inside the plane was talking now as most woke up. The plane had been quiet before and it made for a more enjoyable time. Chell wasn't fond of talking and loud people or children. They were the worst. They yell and scream and are annoying all the time. She wasn't like that when she was a kid. She was quiet. Rude maybe, but never loud. She hated kids even back when she was one. But now that her freedom had been bestowed upon her once again she was more at ease. Sometimes. Chell still thought it was odd that even after complete isolation for most of her life, she could still hate being around others.

She stepped off of the plane when her turn came and went up to the baggage claim. She picked up the Companion Cube and a large briefcase containing her portal gun. She still had it after all these years and despite the straining effort of explaining it to every security worker who would stop her when she travelled, it always made her feel safe. As if, if she didn't have it, she would end up back in Aperture Science with GLaDOS or Wheatley laughing at her and finally kill her now that she has no way to move around the Enrichment Center and throw bombs or burn them. 

Images of these moments from her past sometimes surfaced while she was sleeping and send her flying off of her bed as she jumped out of sleep and onto the floor reaching for the closest weapon she could find. Sometimes she would check the portal gun to see if it was real and her memories were real. Just in case. In case she woke up one day and realised it had been a dream. A terrible, vivid dream. 

She made her way out of the London City Airport to the streets. Every country smelled, looked, sounded, and felt different. This was pleasant place. People seemed friendly and smiled at you as you passed by them in the street even though it was later in the night. The city was still very much awake. She liked it here. 

"Maybe I should stay here," she thought and continued walking down the streets of London.


	2. Bored of London

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord I wrote this so long ago. I'm rereading as I'm posting. Jesus.

Chell had spent a week and three days in London and she was already bored. Not much was different from America and Canada. Mostly Canada. America was trying very hard to differentiate itself from other countries. She had nothing against that, she just didn't feel the same spirit that most Americans seem to. Or maybe she was just outside looking in. After all, she hadn't grown up around others to help her adapt to social constructs that make countries what they are, so maybe she just didn't understand while others did.

She made sure to count out her money. She still had a lot left. She had made hundreds of dollars when she was found jumping from a building with her long fall boots still on. Everyone thought she was going to die and when she didn't they believed that it was a roadside trick. She basically made her own show of jumping from high places for money. She made more a day than most do in a week. It funded her travelling.

She decided to start touring Europe starting in England and working through France and around ending at Finland unless she liked one place too much to leave. She used a Ferry to get from England to France and trains to travel from France to Spain. When She reached Spain she used another Ferry from Spain to Porto Torres, the docking port on a Large island named Sardinia. It is a part of Italy with many interesting features such as sandy beaches, mountain hiking trails and the ruins of odd beehive-like structures. 

The next Ferry wasn't leaving the dock until the next morning due to a rain storm that was building quickly making the waves too rough for travel. Chell checked into a bed and breakfast for the night and wandered around. The rain felt nice and refreshing as she walked. This was a very nice place. Warm, calm, beautiful. She felt more excitement than when the plane landed in England. She found a nice open field where she could sit and watch the shore some distance away. She placed the Companion Cube down and sat beside it. 

That's when she heard it. Something she knew she had heard before.

"Ah, Cara Mia. Please my dear, my love! Ti amo!"

Cara Mia? Was that not something the Turrets had sung to her as she was leaving Aperture?

A woman who was drenched from head to foot in rain water ran past her, heading towards the road. She was not in the best of moods and was muttering something not very nice in Italian under her breath. A man ran behind her. He was the one who had been speaking. 

"Come on," he continued, "non odiarmi!"

Chell stood up quickly. "Cara mia? What does that mean! Sir tell me, what does that mean?"


	3. What Cara Mia Means

The woman continued towards the road while the man stopped to look at Chell. 

"My dear. It means "my dear." May I ask why?" The man asked.

"It's important. I need to know what someone said to me once." She muttered for a minute trying to remember other things the turrets had said. "La mia b-b...ambina bambina cara!"

"My dear child"

"What else?" She questioned, digging deep into her memory. 

"I'm sorry ma'am. I need to go now, but I'm sure that someone else can help you."

She nodded as he ran back to his wife. She slumped down on the companion cube thinking about what she was just told. Why would GLaDOS say such nice things? Why would she say "my dear?" or anything that sweet. She hated Chell. Even after Wheatley took over and they became "Friends," she still hated her. Or... Did she? Why else would she say that? 

After all, she did get her human memory back. She remembered that she was Caroline. She started being nicer to Chell once she began remembering. That couldn't be a coincidence. Chell doesn't believe in coincidence. 

She knew that she was at Aperture for a reason. She knew that she had been kept alive and brought back to the facility after the first time after she killed GLaDOS. After the explosion that shut down the facility GLaDOS couldn't have brought her back. She was dead or at least in a death life state. But someone must have kept her alive and if it wasn't GLaDOS, it was someone else? 

Could it have been Caroline? When the robot brain was disarmed, maybe the human one activated again without knowing it. If that was the case, some part of Caroline was still in there even when GLaDOS deleted her. She was still there in the back of the mind and she liked Chell. She took control. She was the one who said such nice things to Chell. She wrote that song to say goodbye. 

Just then, the most important questions came to Chell's mind. Does she miss Chell? And does Chell miss her? 

She picked up the companion cube and nodded at it. As if it knew where they were going and what danger they would face. They knew what they were in for and just like that, stubborn little Chell was back on her way. Back to Aperture Science Enrichment centre.


	4. Back to Aperture

It had taken only a few days for Chell to return to America. Her strict determination to return home drove her quickly. If the flight or ship was delayed she traded places with others on different flights or boats or bought new tickets. At this point, all that mattered to her was going back. Going home to Aperture. Where she was raised. Where she met someone important. Someone she fought with but was strangely important to her. 

Chell didn't understand her outstanding need to return. She hated that place but she'd be damned if she didn't go back. When she was forced to stop and think about it, she didn't want to. She thought about turning back. She tried to force herself to return to her travels but she couldn't. Something inside of her drove her back. She wanted, no, needed to go back. And she was going to if her subconscious liked it or not. 

She landed in America and went straight to the home she was sharing with a few friends. She walked in as they were all sitting down to dinner, ran past them into her room nodding at them as she passed. They looked at each other in confusion. 

"Chell... You're home." One stated. 

"I thought you were going to be gone at least two months." Another said. 

She emerged from her room wearing an orange jumpsuit tied around her waist and an off white shirt with the words "Aperture Science" written on it. White, odd looking boots strapped tightly around her legs and the portal gun in one hand, holding up the companion cube. 

"I'm going back," Chell said with heavy determination. 

They all stood up and blocked her way, keeping her from leaving the apartment. They knew the look they were getting from her. They always said that she had the look of a villain from a movie. The "get out of my way or, so help me God, I will cut you so bad, your spirit will feel the pain" kind of look. 

"You can't go back. Why do you want to? What the hell man?" Her closest friend Michelle said. 

Michelle had always been demanding and loyal. She found Chell wandering in the streets after Aperture. She took her in and kept Chell as sane as possible for someone who went through all she had. Chell respected her but would never let her get in the way of something important. 

"Chell I'm serious! Answer me!" She demanded.

Looking back at her just then made Chell angry. She wanted them to just get out of her way. She doesn't need to explain herself to them. She wasn't going to. This was her issue and she would fix it her way. 

Long moments passed as both parties glared at each other, saying nothing. Suddenly her friend's hard expressions softened. They knew they would not win. She was going. 

"Can we come?" One of them asked.

She shook her head. She wasn't about to give GLaDOS new test subjects. She knew she was safe. GLaDOS would not let her stay if she could help it but her friends would give her a whole new game to play. Open season for GLaDOS to hunt and test humans. Chell would never allow that. She was going alone.

They nodded and said their goodbyes. Wishing her luck. Telling her that they would call the police if she didn't come back. She nodded and left. She now faced the task of finding her way back to Aperture. That is, if she could even remember. Locals didn't talk about it much. Ever since the accidents at Black Mesa and Aperture Science, people generally tried to forget about both of them. All Chell could remember was that it was outside of town In the middle of nowhere. But it had to be relatively close. 

It took her hour of searching forests and fields. She wandered around looking for any sign of Aperture. She thought about turning back or going to find a map of the area to do a more thorough search but her feet never stopped. She pushed through the pain she was feeling in her legs as her long fall boots dug into her. They didn't fit as well as they had or she just wasn't used to them anymore. Despite everything, she pushed through. 

Suddenly she stumbled into a field. A wheat field to be exact. With a metal shed in the centre. She knew it immediately. That was the shed she left the Enrichment Center through. The one that directly leads to GLaDOS. She ran towards it basically ripping the door off of its hinges. It was rusty and broken and inside the elevator was still there. It wasn't as clean as it had been but it still sent a wave of excitement through Chell. She stepped inside and pressed the button to go down. This was it. She was in Aperture science again.


	5. GLaDOS I'm Home

The elevator made clanging noises as it slowly descended downwards to GLaDOS's chamber. Rooms passed by the glass as it went. They were dirty and broken. It was almost like when Wheatley woke her up. Everything was old and useless. Some windows were shattered and tests were barely functional. There were turrets that had fallen on their side and deactivated.

"How could GLaDOS let it get this bad again?" She wondered as the elevator slowed down even more. It stopped on one of the floors the turrets had been on when they sang to her. She pressed the button to go down but the elevator didn't budge. She had to make her way down through the center again. The nostalgia of the situation angered her. Why can it never be easy?

She thanked herself silently for bringing the portal gun. Otherwise, she could never get around the facility. She made it from broken room to broken room using the portal surfaces. She climbed through a broken window and felt a searing pain in her leg as a shard scraped her skin causing her to jump back a little into more glass. She growled at nothing in particular and stepped away scraping her back and leg even more. She rolled her eyes and wiped the blood off.

She wandered a while longer until she reached a set of doors leading to a staircase. She tried to open them but they were locked. She pushed and pulled but they didn't move. That wasn't about to stop her. She picked up a piece of concrete that had fallen from the wall and slammed it down on the door handle. The lock broke free.

Pushing the doors aside, she ran down the stairs and entered GLaDOS's chamber. There she was, but she didn't look the same. She looked broken, twitching every now and again with sparks flying at every sudden convulsion. The feeling of despair creeping through the room sent shivers down Chell's spine. A million thoughts ran through her head. How could this have happened? Why? What's wrong with GLaDOS? What happened to Aperture?

Just then GLaDOS turned to look at her, sending more sparks flying from her robotic body. The yellow lens of her solitary eye had cracked and almost completely fallen apart. "Chell?" Her mechanical voice echoed in the circular room, "You've come back."


	6. What Happened To Aperture?

Chell couldn't believe what she was seeing. The reality of the situation almost didn't settle in her mind. GLaDOS was dying and this time it wasn't Chells fault. How could this be? She opened her mouth to talk multiple times but couldn't form the words. 

"Well I suppose I shouldn't be expecting you to talk," she said, turning away from Chell, "You are mute. I'm sorry about that. Now please leave. I don't need to know the reason you've returned. Just leave plea-" her metal head twitched and sparked again. "Excuse me." She paused as if she were trying to take a breath. "I see that you were too damn stubborn to turn back when my elevator stopped or I locked the door. Or even when you cut yourself on the glass."

A smile spread across her face as GLaDOS giggled a little, jerking her body in awkward ways. Even in pain, GLaDOS could still give her sass. She was enjoying the small satisfaction she got from hearing her moronic banter. 

"If I were you, I wouldn't be sassing the girl who killed you twice!" Chell yelled. There was a subtle laugh in her words as she spoke. 

"Chell? You can speak? Since when?" GLaDOS questioned. 

Chell nodded again, "Yes. I always could. I decided not to when I was in here before. I wasn't about to give you that satisfaction."

"You clever, stubborn, child." She shook her metal head. "Good job. But if you can speak, I demand an answer. Why are you here?"

"I know what cara mia means." She noticed GLaDOS's new look of concern. "And now I want to know why. I demand answers now. Why would you say that about me? It's too nice. And what happened here? What happened to you?" 

"Good question. Well I suppose I owe you an explanation. I'm broken now. I couldn't recover after what that little moron did. Systems had already shut down. They were broken and over time, I broke. I didn't realize they were as important as they were. One day everything just seemed to... stop. Now I'm running off of a back up generator. "

Chell nodded, urging her to continue. She had to pause and process what she had been told.

"I'm not entirely sure you wish to know why I said what I did."

"I do. I came here for that GLaDOS. I need to know. I'm not leaving until you tell me."

GLaDOS nodded, considering her options. She couldn't force her to leave. Not with the little strength she had left. All of the power she had to control the facility was used up to stop the elevator and close and lock the door, and Chell using the elevator to begin with certainly didn't help. 

"I will tell you then. But prepare yourself. You will not enjoy what I'm about to tell you," she waited to see if Chell had changed her mind. When she didn't protest, GLaDOS carried on. "Chell... I am your mother. Or at least, Caroline was."


	7. Goodbye Mother

Chells gasp echoed in the room. "How can this be? Don't lie to me!"

"I am not lying. Caroline wrote you that song. She is still here, inside of me. She's your mother, Chell. I am your mother."

They both sat in uncomfortable silence for a very long time. No thoughts ran through Chells head. She didn't understand but it made sense. Cara mia, letting her go, and it all happened after she realized she was Caroline. Now what? What could Chell do?

"Chell, I'm sorry. GLaDOS forgot about Caroline and because of that, she almost killed her own daughter. She called her terrible things and she did terrible things to her. I'm sorry about the testing and the lies and the lack of cake."

The lights flickered a few times before turning off. Then red emergency lights turned on. GLaDOS looked around while Chell was frozen in place.

"The back up generators," GLaDOS sighed, "how many do we have? This must be at least the seventh that broke. And yet there's another one keeping everything on. Chell?"

Chell had fallen to her knees in shock. She had a mother all along and it was the human inside of a robot that tried to kill her. What's next? Was Wheatley her father? Please don't let that be true. For gods sake, not Wheatley.

GLaDOS lifted the floor panel Chell was on, up to her eye, "Are you alright?"

"GLaDOS, or Caroline? If you're my mother... who's my father?"

"Cave Johnson. We were together before his death." She put bluntly.

Chell nodded. In all fairness, that did seem obvious now that it was said out-loud. In the tapes at old Aperture, they did seem like they were together.

Chell had no memory of them as humans though. Except when she found that painting of them together while trying to stop Wheatley. She wondered if they were good parents. They seemed like they would have been more focused on their work than her.

"I have a mother," she muttered in disbelief.

"You did." GLaDOS corrected.

"You're still my mother in some way."

An emergency message come on over the sound system, "Emergency Systems Protocol activated. Emergency shut down optional." The rest of the tape cut out.

"Chell I require your assistance."

She said nothing but she could sense that something was wrong.

"Chell," she hesitated, "I want you to shut me down."


End file.
